Monday, January 26, 2004

I've always despise myself. I don't care if others think i'm great. The truth is i'm just a big loser. I don't really like to show my feelings to anyone much less show it in words on this blog where everyone can see it. I hate myself for being stupid. This morning i was doing my damn music theory and i couldn't figure it out. My dad, who's my teacher got angry and hit my head hard many times. It hurts me not physically actually but rather mentally and also my heart. Later he tried to choke me. I wished...i'd would just died there and then. I would be much satisfied. Do you know that? I wanted to die so badly but thinkgs that kept me from dying are my friends. The people that i love. But to die so quickly is like running away from your troubles. It's like being a coward. Thats not me. I've endured this beating since young so i guess i've gotten used to it. even if my tears still fall from my eyes. I spent years of my life battling for my sanity. Yes. I remember. At one point of time i snapped. I went crazy. I lost all hope. Just gave up and live in fear forever. But i cured myself. I battled for my sanity. I tried very hard. And at this rate if he keeps doing this to me i might just snapped again and then i may never be able to be normal. Thats the real story behind me. I'm not such a happy person. Friends who saw me in school. Sometimes i'd sit in the corner or somewhere surrounded by all of you. But i'm quiet. What do you think i'm doing? Well it's either i'm thinking very hard about myself and trying to calm myself down or I'm just observing all of you. Analysing you people. I'm suicidal. I admit that. But mostly i'm afraid. I not really a strong person emotionally. i can break easily but i will not show it to you. As to why i've been depress lately...i think i've found my answer. Somebody free me from my misery?

Btw i'm sick and tired of people using me and pushing me around. I had enough. Prepare to face my wrath if you push me too far...

H3studio wash up @  12:24 AM

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Thursday, January 22, 2004

Well on sunday i will go to this MTV thingie to get the tix to the awards show. So i'll just come in my weirdest gothic outfit. lalala~ I had tuition yesterday. Maths all day. but it was okay. My tuition teacher was a beauty and she's so cute...bleh...i'm much more cute...lol whatever. I still haven't gotten ken's no...like gee i so don't need it. Anyway, i really missed talking to rei. I mean she hasn't been online lately. and i miss talking to her. I remember we used to talk alot. Why can't that happen again? i don't know. well i really hope to get in touch with her. well it's so boring...*sleeps in her coffin*

H3studio wash up @  9:34 PM

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Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Nyaa so i didn't update the blog on the supposed day. i haven't been in the best of moods. Anyway...yeah everythings quite okay...i've been sat by a fat lady, my eyes were blinded by the x-japan bandscore, was humiliated and tortured by ungrateful idiot and was mistaken to fall head over heels for this japanese guy name ken whom i've seen for what...a few seconds? Gee i'm not that desperate. besides...i don't need a guy now. Anyway...i would like to say a few things.
Yoshika: Happy new year, may our friendship last forever, I'm glad to have met you. it was fate. And you know i'll never abandon you so if you think that there's a communication problem just say so. Thanks for being a great wife...er...friend. ^_^Love you lots.
Ami-chan: Ah what can i say...i just love you! My first and beautiful wife. You are one of the best persons that pop into my life. This is just wonderful...i really hope that one day we won't be so far apart and all the WoH members will be complete than i'll ihave a big party. You brought some light into my dark life. Love you always.
Mizu: what can i say? i've only known you for a while and i was claimed as your seme-san. You can be part of WoH...lol...thanks for being so nice to me and hearing my problems. You're the best! I love you too.
hIsoka~: I hate you! go away. XP
Twins: You guys rox! love you guys
Rei-chan: Ah husband-san...well haven't seen you around...but i'll still love you
Kitt: ah another husband-san...i'm sorry i've been seeing other people around you're baack...but hey, i still love you!more yaoi pics for us! yay!^^;
ara...i'm tired to type already...so bye....

H3studio wash up @  1:00 AM

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Wednesday, January 14, 2004

FINALLY! I GOT MY BROADBAND! I'M BACK!!!! yay! so many things to say. so little time...by the way fan-tasia was great and many stuff happen. i shall update this blog tomorrow. i'm sleepy. jyaaaa!

H3studio wash up @  8:39 AM

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