Friday, July 29, 2005
well today need to let off steam. so i went to meet up with jan and hys go domuya and meet our soon to be family member. yea so after that we all go bambooze X_X me and jan had two bloody marys and I had one OJ she had cranberry Vodka. (for liens reading this, and don't understand. Clanbelli Volka. understand? ok) wootz. ok no we didn't get drunk. i just got home lah. then hys said that her manager said we were pretty X_X then after that we met this guy called Jukka X_x omg yea. he sat with us for awhile and talked lah. -_-;; then yea he left and soon we all go home. for a detailed story go see jan's blog.
H3studio wash up @ 8:33 AM
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Thursday, July 28, 2005
ignore this.
Looking at the photos,
i see happy faces,
smiling and carefree.
But in the photos,
none of them had me.
Knowing friends for years,
Ups and downs,
i'd be there,
but looking at the photos...
I'm still not there.
No sense of belonging,
i do not appear in these photos,
do not blame me for my isolation,
for when a photo appears,
It'll just be a photo of me.
Where are all the smiling carefree people?
- this is crap- feeling bored.
H3studio wash up @ 10:09 AM
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mmmmmmmm......talking to kyoist on the phone...coming 2 hours...or it 3....catch up with her and stuff. miss her man. my eye paint...( hmm ok. pain. ) *_* ...kinda tired now...oops the line cut off X_x my ear pain. ok i think 4 hours already. hahaha. finish talking~ ah ok go sleep. tmr maybe going domuya. maybe. (k kyodai and woman now known as fantastic 4 ) XD
H3studio wash up @ 8:04 AM
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THIS WORLD IS SO FUCKED UP.
I FEEL LIKE CRYING! I'VE BEEN GIVEN A DEAD LINE TO COMPLETE MY ART THIS FRIDAY. SO I'VE BEEN WORKING MY BUTT OFF AND SKIPPING SCH JUST TO COMPLETE MY ART! AND GUESS WHAT? I HAD NOT BEEN TOLD THAT WE'VE BEEN GIVEN A ONE MONTH EXTENSION AND I'VE BEEN PAINTING LIKE MAD AND IT'S NOT GOOD RESULTS. PLUS I'M GOING CRAZY FROM DOING THIS AND I GAINED AN INFECTED EYE BECAUSE OF THIS. YES NOW MY EYE IS SWOLLEN, I HAVE POOR VISION AND I CAN'T PAINT PROPERLY. I TORTURE MYSELF. WELL FUCK, I'M JUST GONNA TRY FINISH EVERYTHING TMR. AND GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH IT. AND JUST IMPROVE MY GOD DAMN TASK A.
THANKS TO UNRELIABLE FRIENDS WHO DON'T BOTHER TO TELL ME. I HAD TO FIND OUT MYSELF.
REALLY FUCKED UP AND MAD RITE NOW.
H3studio wash up @ 5:19 AM
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Monday, July 25, 2005
took the test from simmie...(listening to PLC : /)
*some pretty truE*
Your Existing Situation
Readily participates in things that provide excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated
Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Relationships rarely measure up to her high emotional expectations and her need to be made the center of things, leading to disappointment . Always has mental reservations and tends to remain emotionally isolated and unattached.
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.
Your Desired Objective
Needs a change in her circumstances or in her relationships which will permit relief from stress. Seeking a solution which will open up new and better possibilities and allow hopes to be fulfilled.
Your Actual Problem
Feels insufficiently valued in her existing situation, and is seeking different conditions in which she will have greater opportunity of demonstrating her worth.
yep yep
H3studio wash up @ 3:15 AM
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Thursday, July 21, 2005
Well on tuesday i finished my art...not forget to mention that There was a bloody good Gundam episode that day...wootz...hahahaha then yea (go rayne!) er sorry then yea didn't go sch the next day...then today went sch...blah blah blah...yea. tmr anyone going Domuya? i need to go tmr. so see u guys there if i bump into ya.
----------Gundam rant-----------
many years back i swore never to like gundam. -_-; now i'm a fan. i hated robots. now i know how to name them..ok i still hate evangelion the most lah .ok. i dunno it's been so fucking interesting! hahaha damn u Gseed for making me like gundam...but now i like the very old gundam show one. ahhh rayne x domo is love...XD i'm sissy. u know they have a singapore gundam episode one. lol missed it tho. Oh i was damn pissed at this two ladies just now cuz their chinese dialect speaking very loud! i can't hear my gundam ok?! it was like super impt. part! helo?~ grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr #$!$@!#!@~!^$$ hate when ppl interrupt my gundam shows. -_-;; lol ok enuff of this..
----------end of gundam rant-------
H3studio wash up @ 1:02 AM
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Monday, July 18, 2005
OMg OK. i was impatient and i gave up. i wanna keep the paper as souvenior....i ordered aidan. i hope i chose correctly. i think before he comes i'll have to buy a couple of wigs! just incase i dun like the stuff they give me . heh. going to domuya on wed~
H3studio wash up @ 6:07 AM
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i am D.E.P.R.E.S.S Fcs orders must be done in this week! >< depress...because i went to domuya just now and betty don't know what the heck i'm talking abt. and depress because i have ablank form which i dunno how to fill in? any help? ahahahaha. this is shitty. will go back to domuya and order him!!! MUST!!! pisser. Depress because i ate so much just now which means spent money. depress cuz i wan to know that i already order him. i know nothing bout fcs. hahaha...came home to find shin in a "kyoi, please scratch my back here" position and kyoi had this wtf face. XD i love his wtf face. XD it's funny. grrrrraaaaaaaa my aidan!!!!!!!! pronounce as ( A - dan) (Ei dan) yea. fuck lah...this bloody suxors.
H3studio wash up @ 4:36 AM
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
http://www.denofangels.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=28753&postdays=0&postorder=asc&vote=viewresult
H3studio wash up @ 5:12 AM
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Friday, July 15, 2005
well today sch started off fine... got my attendance taken for fitness thing but i never run. hahaha. escape...then the whole day pass by (confirm fail maths) then after sch...i immediately when to the art room and painted so yea until 4 that is , have to report to the foyer then later had my MT LC O levels...before that ...they played Helena by MCR...gosh..i was god damn happy. hahaha yea it's quite easy. yea so on my way home i saw a corspe of a human...well ok...he's not dead yet but he's almost lifeless. then later ppl called the ambulance. thank god he was moving alittle. some old dude. yea so now i'm home.. i'm very happy since yesterday and i won't tell you why...btw some of us are on the electric new paper.
http://tnp.sg/happenings/story/0,4136,91502,00.html <--- am i ahpek like hot or what? XD
H3studio wash up @ 4:01 AM
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
[Jul. 13th, 200607:38 pm] i'm totally crushed...no more fcs...no more fcs...means...byebye aidan byebye aidan...T_T
now i will never get him...(i will not lose hope) just that...today is another stupid horrid day. and i was longing for Cyrus...when will he ever get herE? but now with this news...i'm gonna cry. seriously...i can't afford to come out 1150 rite now...if i could i would be at domuya rite away ordering my dear sweet aidan...T_T after the lost of "my" En i dun think i could take another msd heartbreak blow...boohooooo T_T now i feel that it's so unachievable...gotta get more contacts in japan. i hope my darling friends there could help me. x_X i think i'm like despo or something. haha...*haiz* this breaks my heart. i was so looking forward to my aidan-chan...poor kyoi is all upset now. :(
haiz..now i have no mood...:
H3studio wash up @ 4:43 AM
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Monday, July 11, 2005
Can u tell i'm lost?
it's days like this i become silent.
nothing gets through me.
just leave me alone.
H3studio wash up @ 4:46 AM
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Clearly...i am not appreciated for the things i do.
my day was ruined again today.
i shall not explain myself.
i don't see the need to.
--------------------------------
PJ: hey..i'm really sorry bout the cam. : / i'll have to compensate u for that. i'm totally responsible for it. honto ni gomen nasai. and btw, i need to talk to you personally about some PERSONAL stuff. call me or something.
H3studio wash up @ 3:01 AM
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Sunday, July 10, 2005
well cosfest was today and didn't expect to run around alot. Woke up very grumpy cuz slept at 5? yea then played fatal frame before going out. hahaha then went out met kaori then met farrah..shit lah i wasted 6.90 on a glitte r hair spray . really fucktard. so we made a move to the place. once reach there,looking for ppl. then found them , met tara + sharmayne + mizu..pass the wings and stuff like that. then after tat met lizzie aso, bumped into samantha lol she bring akito and seira. haha yea and shannen was there and she brought her harang along too! Shan was there too! and also minwoo and his master + her friend and her msd tsubaki. cute. will meet up with them soon when i'm free. posibly with nekromance too. yea and basically runing around looking for amanda for her red hair spray! X_X ya lah...then run again helping the manas with their lips. then helping totchi with the eyeliner, then run around somemore to catch up with my friends and then run around some more to catch up with my other grp of f riends then run another time to catch up with a diff grp of friends. seriously it's hard to keep up when u have so many grps of friends. then like sometimes ppl think u never pay enuff attention to them. : / i'm a busy woman. i have too many friends and i can't please all of them. and then run around again back to sq 1. i didn't even hang out with kouji much. : / see? ya...then later on after all that cosfest thing met kyoist ahhhhhh i'm so happy to see her ok? i miss her soooooo much my oni-san become onee-san liao..X_x but chio non the less. *hugs kyoist* wahaha give her pink dolphin yea took pics with her then go macs eat with the battle royale ppl and Play with minwoo...nvr knew that DoD is like heavy. Minwoo abit stiff liao. hahaha yeaa then after that go tamps and go macs again --_-; we go take puri first of course. lousy machine~ ah pretty much had fun lah. but tiring and i'm doing my art...T_T so hard k? yea thats all...and i'm proud of my sendai costume ! ^_^
H3studio wash up @ 10:35 AM
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well cosfest was today and didn't expect to run around alot. Woke up very grumpy cuz slept at 5? yea then played fatal frame before going out. hahaha then went out met kaori then met farrah..shit lah i wasted 6.90 on a glitte r hair spray . really fucktard. so we made a move to the place. once reach there,looking for ppl. then found them , met tara + sharmayne + mizu..pass the wings and stuff like that. then after tat met lizzie aso, bumped into samantha lol she bring akito and seira. haha yea and shannen wajul03,1,5344452.story?coll=la-headlines-suncomment">David Frum argues that Bush fails to reassure his supporters.es-suncomment">David Frum argues that Bush fails to reassure his supporters.
H3studio wash up @ 8:37 AM
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Thursday, July 07, 2005
random thought of the day: I WAN MY EVIL-CHAN BACK~ sometimes i miss Shin's evilness as well as his loudness. yea he lost all the loudness...but hell he is still evil...just that...he covers it soooo well.... <3
H3studio wash up @ 5:45 AM
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
wo de zhi zhuo suan she me? wo de jin li suan she me?
wo de ai qing ta you suan she me?
wo de bao rong suan she me? wo de jue ding suan she me?
wo de ai qing dao di suan she me?
.dang ni zai kou kou sheng sheng shuo ai wo, wo duo xiang suan le duan le yan zhu er
shui yuan yi bei chi xin sha sha de qian zhe bi zi zou?
nan ren de di ren shi nu ren huo shi zi you?
.bu yao jie shi yi ge ben lai jiu ke xiao de
.bu yao yuan liang yi ge tian sheng jiu ai ni de wo
.gan qing bu shi dian tou huo shi yao tou, jiu hui you jie guo
H3studio wash up @ 9:46 AM
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Happy 1 mth Shin darling! er...tho i think it's been slightly more than that rite? hahaha anyways i'm letting shin listen to korean songs now...to make him feel more at home. i really love him. he makes me really happy just like kyoi. i just wonder how it'll be like with cyrus too. I changed shin's eyes to green since mama doesn't like him with red eyes. cuz look like ghost according to her. -_-; i love the red eyes... but shin looks great anyway. i guess even tho he is an introvert he'll open up to u if you're close to him. other than that he doesn't really want to socialise. he prefers not to socialise, other than kyoi and skye. lol language barrier? maybe...but well he's gone matured now. he is really nice really. :)
H3studio wash up @ 8:27 AM
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Stole frm Artficial_love~
Which of your dolls:
1. Is the pretty one? hmmm tough question...Cyrus?? (all of them seem pretty)
2. Is the cute one? . easy...Kyoichi
3. Makes you feel the most sentimental? Kyoichi
4. Would you least like to meet in a dark alley? Cayne / shin
5. Has the personality you feel the deepest affinity with? Kyoichi
6. Is the worst schemer? Cyrus
7. Daydreams the most? . Kyoichi
8. Is the most spoiled?.Kyoichi
9. Causes the most trouble? Cyrus
10. Always gets forgiven for everything? Kyoichi
11. Is the most vain and self-centered? .Cyrus
12. Is the most fickle?Kyoichi
13. Tries to boss the others around? Cyrus
14. Has the most bad habits? Cyrus
15. Lacks a conscience, or tries to pretend so? Cayne/ shin
16. Has a hidden [or obvious!] shy side? Kyoichi
17. Is the most sensitive? Kyoichi
18. Is the least sensitive? Cyrus
19. Has a sharp tongue? Cyrus
20. Is the most critical of themself? Cayne/ shin
21. And/or everyone else? . Cayne
22. Seems to look good in just about anything? Cayne/ shin
23. Is the most intellectual? Cayne / shin
24. The least? erm i don't think kyoichi is dumb...he is just naive...
25. Has the most emotional/mental problems? Cyrus
26. Watches the most TV? Kyoichi
27. Has secret geeky passions/knowledge? Cayne
.28. Likes junk food? Kyoichi
29. Most extroverted? . Kyoichi
Most introverted? Cayne
31. Most charming? Cayne
32. Most affectionate?Kyoichi
33. The angriest? Cyrus
34. The cynic? Cyrus
35. The one with the best-hidden sneaky side? Cayne
36. Even a bit of a split personality? Cayne
37. Throws tantrums? Kyoichi
38. Flirts the most? . Cyrus and Kyoichi
39. Spends the most time alone? Cayne
40. Is the most sociable? Kyoichi
H3studio wash up @ 8:09 AM
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hello ppl. dun worry i'm still alive. i wun be so rash to kill myself. it's like wasting my life more. plus i just spent about $3000 crazy ah. dollfies...tsk tsk...can't leave them or else they'll be orphans and evil ppl will take them away. haha. well today i eat alot...ALOT... yea and miss yuhana gave me a pink rose and apologized that she couldn't find a black rose. aww how sweet. haha but i told her it's ok i love all roses. :) oh my she totally knows me. tho i don't really talk to her much. yea...so like ok...ya...thats it.
and i have thought about it...
in the future if i get a girl dollfie (Preferbly, Jun tachibana (As always), Megu or Syo girl) i'll name her Kaori. After my sweet sweet Kaori. *hugs* i love that girl.
yea and i've decided too that it might be possible for another younger brother for kyoi...but i won't tell who since i have no idea if that lil one will evercome back and if i can ever afford him. looks just like kyoi. <3
H3studio wash up @ 6:49 AM
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Monday, July 04, 2005
i failed to do something today. = go post office...
i was lazy...and the cough medicine knock me out. ZzZZzzzZZZzzz
Why do i feel so lost?
I don't know what i'm doing now.
yesterday hysoka called me. i was glad cuz i dun need to worry so much. looks like not too many ppl in our grp going to cosfest. i miss that girl.
i think i'm wasting my life away.
these few days if i seem anti social to you. i'm sorry. I just don't want to face anyone for a few days.
i'm gonna start working on something and self improvement. maybe i lock myself up in the house and force myself to study.
haiz.
life is ablur right now.
feel like doing the commit suicide thing again. blah.
going for dinner now. bye.
H3studio wash up @ 5:58 AM
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Random thought of the day : I want a heath.
H3studio wash up @ 12:12 AM
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Saturday, July 02, 2005
I don't know what to say,
seems to me like whatever i say is wrong,
why does it seems to me that your still holding that grudge?
I thought we were over that?
I finally thought we could start a new
Things are certainly much better,
but now it's seems we're back to where i don't want to return
and here we are crying amongst ourselves.
As i watch the concert that night,
i realise nomatter how many friends i went with
you weren't there.
You never knew how guilty i felt
you never saw the tear that fell
All night long your name resides in my mind.
But what am i to do? it's my fault
It wasn't my intention
maybe i just never think
sometimes i don't know what i do
sometimes i don't even know i hurt you.
When you're sad, i get sad. I never
understand you. I never understand myself.
Where have all the good days gone?
Where have all the good days gone?
I don't know what i feel for you
i really don't know what i feel for you
That week we spent were one of the best times
for the first time in this year i felt
like we were finally mending the holes in our friendship
What happen to us?
Why do we make ourselves like this?
Small things just turn big
and makes us feel like this?
Hey there my beloved,
you're not the only one mizerable
I'm mizerable too.
We're mizerable.
When we see each other the next time,
will there be smiles?
Each time we did a wrong
we act like it didn't happen
but i think part of that thing is stuck in the other corner of our brains.
You remember
I remember
somethings are hard to forget.
I try to change myself for you
I try to include you in things that you actually like
I try to include u in things that you can socialise
but you cannot see that.
My intentions were good but they turn bad.
It's my fault time and time again.
But time and time again i will change for you
I don't know why i do these things for you
I really don't know.
I care too much?
i think you'd be laughing now.
yesterday i heard something,
something from someone,
that someone said something,
something that you said about me.
I smiled. I genuinely smiled
cause that comment gave me hope
Gave hope for us,
gave hope that our friendship is getting better.
I don't know where i stand
it seems time and time that i hurt you.
Maybe i should just leave you?
that way you wouldn't have to be hurt by me.
But can i really leave you?
Could i bare to do that?
i really couldn't.
I know it seems that our friendship is far less than perfect. but i'm trying.
I told you when we started this, i repeated it alot of time. we should compromise.
i don't want our friendship to end.
I'm sorry for the things i done.
I'm always first to apologize
i don't know why.
perhaps it's my obligation to you.
I'm sorry.
When i said i loved you back then.
I truly meant it.
some part of me still does say
that i still do.
------------------
I'm just gonna retreat to whereever came from. anybody please don't PM me. i have no mood to talk. just leave me alone for now.
H3studio wash up @ 8:35 PM
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i can't be bothered to write abt emdd for today i'm tired. just that yesterday me and mizu kept getting lost and walk so much. came home at abt 1. the performance was great. ok. end.
Yesterday : paranoid , tired, a lil piss.
Today : Angry, tired, impressed
i'm pissed. go away.
thanks jan for ur wonderful gifts!~ <3 always.
bought sendai visor today...very unplanned.
going to play with shin and kyoi now. plus i wanna talk to them. humans are no fun to talk to sometimes. i need to baby my boys haha and yea while i'm at that i'm gonna groan about my two other coming dolls. hope cyrus can come faster. i'll get aidan no matter what. he is expensive for an msd : x *Face fault* but oh well...gonna relax and not think much. happy thots happy thots.
H3studio wash up @ 4:59 AM
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